People see me on Facebook, and I’m constantly asked how I do it all. How I manage the business, the kids, and the dogs. I’m smiling, and I’m here and there, and I make it look like I have it all together.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret...
I’m just constantly doing everything I can to keep myself sane, the smiles abundant, and a dream alive.
There are days where I’m really, really freaking tired, and I wish I didn’t have to stay up til 3 am during launch time to get that one last thing done. There are days where my heart sinks because I really don’t want to leave my kids to go to a business event.
There are moments when I go through a massive inner dialogue about whether or not having someone help me raise my kids is really the best choice. That dialogue becomes more frequent when I watch my 3-year-old push every button he can with her, and I feel I should be doing it all myself.
There are days when I get annoyed that my little girl wants to sit in my lap in my office, when I just really need to get some work done. In that same moment I get mad at myself for getting annoyed with a little girl who just wants to hang with her mom.
Then there is the other side of my inner argument, the business guilt. Those moments when I know I should be going to that one networking event, but I just want to put my kids to bed that night. When I know I should be getting more done, but I chose to take my kids to the pool. There are times when I know I would learn so much at that conference and meet so many amazing people, but I just want to be home with my kids.
Let me be honest, some days I feel like I’m running through mud in my business. Like really horrible sludgy mud, and I never felt that way before kids.
Then I have the added doggy mom guilt. I know my dogs need more walks, and I’m suddenly that person who I used to roll my eyes at because they told me they didn’t have the time to walk their dogs. You know the dogs THEY chose to have. My girls are getting older, and I feel like I’m failing them.
I have so much inner dialogue with myself, beating myself up, if you will. I can only hope as I’m doing ‘it all’, I’m doing it all with even a smidge of wellness.
I ask myself at least once a week if I should keep pushing forward with the business, or if I should just wait until my kids are just a little older. I wonder if I'm really doing the right thing.
But then I have that moment when a client has a complete ah-ha, and I know I’ve not only made an impact on their business, but also on their life. Or when I’m writing, and I feel so alive, and so excited about what I’m about to birth to the world. It makes me feel whole heartedly complete and staying up late every now and then feels so worth it.
As hard as this is, and as those days come where I did so much, but felt like I did nothing, I can say with everything inside of me, I’m doing what I love.
That to me is the most important thing in the world.
As I figure out the balance thing (and let me say I think it will forever remain figuring, and never hit that ‘figured out’ status), I will only hope that my kids will remember that I was there for them. I hope they remember the simple things of how we eased into the day every morning, I was home most days, and that I put them to bed almost every night. I also pray that they’re going to remember seeing me happy. They saw me following a dream. They saw me doing what I wanted to do and not what someone else told me I should. They saw me helping others, changing lives, and putting others before myself.
I can only hope that when they come to make a decision on what they’re going to do with their lives, I can be that person who is an inspiration to them. I’m that person they can say ‘if she can do it, I can too.’ I’m that person who told them that can’t isn’t a word, and that they can truly do anything they set their mind to. I hope that they understand that a life without dreams, just isn't one worth living. I pray that they will know that fear can be an awesome thing because it means you're onto something great, and you just have to push right through it!
They will see me taking my dreams to fruition. They’ll remember the memories we made as a family. Hopefully those memories out weigh the days I got annoyed and needed to work the extra hour. Hopefully, they will remember the days when I put my computer aside when my boy asked me to draw him a fire truck or read a book. Hopefully, they will remember all of those hours when I set it all aside to just be with them.
So yes, I’m doing it all (whatever that means). However, I’m still trying really, really hard to figure out how to do it all well. And although I’m not sure I will ever have it down, I can say I gave it my all in my life, in my business, and as a parent. I think that’s all we can honestly ask of ourselves.
And don't let Facebook fool you. We're all in the same struggle.
(At least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself.)
And I’ll just make one last point, that my saving grace through this all has been meditation. 20 minutes every day I have a reminder that I’m aligned with exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s not the easy path, but it’s where I’m supposed to be. If there’s just one thing I can teach my children, it’s to live every day in that state. The state to know one's self so well, that there's no other choice than to do what you love.
So I would love to hear from my fellow Mompreneurs. What do you struggle with and what's getting you through it?
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